The passion to be married is a healthy one. Never let anyone steal away your drive to find that special someone that God has ordained for you to marry. And never settle for less than God's best for your life.
But getting married is too puny an objective. Shoot for the stars! What you need to shoot for is a spouse who you can grow in deep intimacy with over a lifetime. The notion that love fades over time is perpetuated by people that either got started on the wrong foot and/or settled too soon for a glorified roommate situation. God has so much more, shoot for the stars.
Here's the four mistakes you simply can't make when looking for love:
- Dating someone when we don't really know them.
Take the time to watch and wait. Look for the little things that prove that this person is truly in love with God more than they will ever be in love with you. Sounds crazy? Not at all. When the chips are down in marriage you want someone who will look to God and not look for a way out.
- Ignoring "nagging questions" for fear of being left alone.
Those nagging questions may turn into red flags as you look in the rearview mirror of marriage. God will never lead you into marriage with someone who doesn't fill your heart with peace and confidence. Also, check with wise counsel. Find someone who has done it right for many years and get their feedback. Get your questions answered at the front end. Better to be alone a little longer than to find yourself trapped is a bad marriage.
- Moving toward marriage hoping things will change later.
People with rough character don't change much after we marry them. Oh wait, they will – it will get much worse. I've seen this scores of times. People believe they possess the power and patience to change fatal flaws. You don't. Only God has the power to change a life. We all need to change but when you see some character trait that you don't want to live with your whole life, bail out or at least wait until sustained change is something you witness. Again, waiting is better than jumping. The frying pan of singleness is far better than the fire of pain in marriage.
- Making life-long decisions based on good feelings.
Feelings are fickle. Feelings get people into bad business deals and bad marriages. Yes, your feelings of love must be strong. You certainly want to have passionate physical attraction. But your feelings need to be supported by some important facts. I'll talk more in the next blog on what to look for in a spouse and why you need to see a couple key things before you walk down the aisle.
I'm not trying to be a marriage killer. I'm partnering with God and his truth to be a strong marriage builder. When you get the steps right at the beginning you'll have a great shot at walking strong for a lifetime. Things are tough enough in marriage but if you shoot for the stars and settle for nothing less than God's best, well, you'll be one happy marriage partner –finding true love!